The bright and bubbly words
are in me, somewhere,
of happy childhood holiday memories.
But they must be repressed it seems,
buried under piles
of less than happy memories,
mostly pain —
they just can’t find their way out.
And so, my creativity seems
to be shrouded
by a bit of fog for now,
but bear with me
as I find my way through it.
The holidays bring a mix of emotions:
some of betrayal;
some of stolen treasures;
some of fear for my safety;
some of me wanting to be home with family,
but unsure of where home really is
for the family to whom
I’m expected to run
have been cause for me to run away
and not return.
I celebrate with what family
I feel comfortable being around:
my munchkin, my pooch and myself.
This is my family now.
These are the ones to whom I run
for there is no pain here.
Just new memories
as we start over,
just us three!
So as I muster the strength
to set aside past hurts and pain
trying to focus on happier things,
I will hang my heart here,
in this temporary house,
as I listen to the sounds
of laughter and playful growls
from munchkin and doggy —
my loving family.
Our tiny tree is still lit,
and though the presents
have long been opened,
the greeting cards have been placed
back under the tree
as a reminder to be thankful
for the blessings and love
from the ones who thought of us,
from God our loving father,
who guides and protects us,
and most of all,
for my little family,
munchkin, doggy and me.
Home is where you hang your heart,
and so it seems, my heart is here
and there’s no place else I’d rather be — I AM HOME!
Contents written: December 27 2015 | Copyright 2015 Moylom Enterprises
Today’s gym visit, an unforeseen day off, arrived on the heels of a thorough workout yesterday. I should have been resting my muscles a bit, but since I won’t get another workout in until next week, and I also needed to shake off this funk I’ve been in the past few days, I figured I might as well make the best of the free time.
I was cautioned to stay away from running until my body was stronger, but the elliptical machines don’t give me the burn I yearn for deep down. Yes, they get the blood pumping and the muscles moving but something always feels insufficient. So determined to get rid of the sadness I’ve been feeling lately, I walked right past those darned ellipticals and headed for the row of empty treadmills.
I picked one against the back wall so my demise, should it come, wouldn’t be witnessed by many. I selected the random setting, as memories of running the course in Prospect Park, NY and how great I felt afterwards flooded my mind vividly. Far be it for me to pick something easy to start off with, oh no!!! I had the audacity to select level 3 at a pace of 5 mph. Try running at that pace with hills as a new runner? “You’ve lost your mind!!!” my brain screamed. “Yes, and I’m going to run until I lose my aching heart too!” I snapped in brazen frustration.
5 minutes of hell
I punched in my weight (I will never tell) and the time (20 mins) then hit start. The closed captioned TV turned on and I was off. Two minutes in, my pace was strong, my breathing was fine, then the first incline indicator blinked on the monitor— a hill was up ahead! I began to feel the pressure, my lungs needed more air, my heart was pumping harder, and I needed to focus on my breathing. Eyes off the TV, I looked down at my feet – “FOCUS!!!” My lungs were struggling by then, the first 5 minutes are by far the hardest of any run, “Breathe dammit, BREATHE!!!” My pace was steady, my heart was pushing, I was almost at the top of the hill, and I felt my lungs open wide. They got the air they needed; I was no longer panting (and coughing); I was finally breathing at a normal pace, I think… Either that, or I was about to pass out!
The course finally began to decline, THANK GOODNESS! My pace was perfect, and I was actually able to follow along with the show ‘The Talk’. It was almost ten minutes by then and I was getting tired. I needed to take it easy if I had to make it the other ten. So I slowed my pace to a 3.7mph brisk walk to regain my composure. I felt my abs tuck in as my core steadied my balance – Nice! That is what I’d been missing! That was the rush of distraction I needed to chase away the blues! I gathered my thoughts; increased my pace to 4.7 mph and started running again.
5 minutes of heaven
I looked down at my feet again to focus on my breathing. It was easier now that my heart was at maximum output, so I steadied myself and drank it all in. I was sweating hard and I was NOT gonna stop ‘til the clock said 20 mins. I was giving it all I had and I could feel the burn! I remembered the days of doing a 3 mile, 60 min run, nonstop, EASY! But there I was struggling to do a silly 20 minutes. Then I remembered how long it took me to get to those first 20 minutes back when I was new to running. So I cheered myself up,
“Chin up Chica, you’ll be running 3 miles again in no time, just make it to this 20 mins. One step at a time, girl, you’ll be fierce again, you got this!”
Well I did make it to 20 mins, and I felt really proud of myself. And then I remembered the high – that natural high I always got from a good run. My body was finally awake; no need for a second, third or fourth cup of coffee to get me in gear. I was feeling the burn and loving it — that was my little slice heaven.
So here’s to the good days that cancel out the bad. Chin up my friends, baby steps until you’re ready for longer strides. I believe in you YOU’VE GOT THIS!!!
So I now have a few gym visits under my belt since an unforeseen change in my schedule freed up a few extra days. I’ve even had my 30 minute free session with the personal trainer and was quite pleased with her knowledge since she also has some physical therapy training. The key ingredient though, was that she LISTENED!
Before we did a single activity she asked what I hoped to accomplish and I was able to explain my history with back pain and my experience at physical therapy. She did a rough draft of what I should focus on to continue with the progress I’d made so far, and then we did our 30 minutes. Of course we talked some more afterward, because any trainer worth his/her salt would want to lock in a customer for future business! But that’s not the point! If I had the cash, I would happily pay for her services because she was thorough and knew her stuff. She totally gave me a good workout in those 30 minutes and at the end showed me new ways to stretch all the muscles simultaneously. Best stretch ever!!!!
I may eventually purchase a few sessions with her as a Christmas gift to myself! We’ll see…
Hope your holiday season is happy and safe.
Contents written: December 8 2015 | Copyright 2015 Moylom Enterprises
The terms “Life imitating art” and ‘Speak it into existence” come to mind when the things we say, in earnest or in jest, manifest themselves into real life events the likes of which we never could have imagined. Is it possible that we ordinary humans, thought by scientists to only use a small percentage of our brains, are capable of tapping into the rest of our brain power if we so desire? Or are we simply fulfilling the Creator’s master plan for our lives of which we have no control?
Whatever your belief, or lack thereof, I’m of the opinion that we were created to be amazing beings capable of great feats as long as we understand that our abilities are gifts from our Creator and not our own human greatness. Understanding that we are mere mortals and humbly acknowledging, accepting and using our gifts to the best of our abilities is, I think, a key factor to living a fulfilled life.
Do you know what your gifts are? Do you accept them with grace and humility? Do you use them to the best of your abilities? Or do you ignore them hoping they’ll one day go away?
For the most part I’m happy with my gifts and put them to good use. There is one that gets me into trouble often, and at times I wish I had better control of it. It has taken me on many Rollercoaster Rides over the years and though I’m all for fun and good times, those rides of the emotional persuasion leave me quite ravaged in the end hence the reason I use that particular gift sparingly. I pray for wisdom so the Creator may guide me in its proper use, but I seem to not quite grasp the instructions very well and may need additional tutoring.
Be that as it may, I’m thrilled when I see individuals using their gifts in unique ways and find it thoroughly amazing that with the billions of people on our planet no two of us are exactly the same, not even identical twins! Isn’t our Creator awesome? Just look at nature! Nature is His gift to us and within the vastness of it all each plant, insect, and animal is unique and also given special gifts for beauty, survival and function as part of our enormous ecosystem.
I am indeed humbled by the great mind of the Omniscient One and I pray I use my gifts for good that He may be proud to call me His treasured creation capable of human greatness via His gifts.
Tis the season of gifts and giving, love and sharing. May we all remember the ultimate gift we’ve been given as humans, God’s son, Jesus Christ, the reason for Christmas, the reason we celebrate this wonderful holiday. May we remember to cherish this gift now and always, sharing it’s goodness and value with those around us and never losing sight of its meaning.
Happy holidays and have a prosperous day… Use your gifts well!
Contents written Dec 10 2015 | Copyright 2015 Moylom Enterprises