She woke up that morning unsure of what to do with herself. She reached for the phone to send him a “good morning” message but remembered, yeah, they agreed to not do that anymore.
She really should have been doing her morning meditation anyway, but her heart wasn’t in it. She was overcome by the intense feeling of loss — She was missing him terribly.
It was her day off. She’d hoped to have breakfast or coffee with him but he had to work. But yeah, they’re not doing that anymore either. It’s over! Everything’s over!!!
So there she sat, at the benches approaching the beach, replaying the events of the first walk they took together, wishing he was there next to her, holding her hand and making her weak in the knees by the way his eyes looked into her soul. She missed him so much it hurt. She sat silently, staring off into the distance, lost in thought, and simply dying inside.
She finally summoned the strength to walk along the boardwalk, slowly, in the direction of her home, in the opposite direction of his. She’d hoped her melancholy pace would delay the inevitable emptiness that awaited her there. She knew that the longer she stayed among the brave souls doing their morning exercises it would deter her from collapsing into a puddle of tears once alone. But home finally arrived and before she could finish her cup of tea the tears began to fall like rain.
By 10 am all hopes of having a productive day were gone and she crawled into bed with a box of tissue and her phone as her only companions. There she spent the rest of the day crying, sleeping and wishing it was all a bad dream, but it wasn’t.
“This too small pass!” she told herself, for she knew that all too well. She’d been there before but somehow this time seemed different. Perhaps because she knew there would be an end to “their story” — that what they had wasn’t meant to last forever — but she just didn’t expect the end to arrive so soon. Nor did she expect to fall in love with a guy so much younger and of a spiritual persuasion similar to hers but of a religion so steeped in rituals and tradition their union would never be accepted. This wasn’t what either of them expected and she wondered how “fate” could be so cruel. What was the point to bring him into her life when she wasn’t even looking to meet anyone? What was the point to them bonding so easily, so wonderfully, so completely only to have that bond be broken so suddenly, so soon? What lesson was she/were they meant to learn from all this? What was the point of all of it???
Saying goodbye would have been so much easier if she didn’t love him, but she did. It would have been easier if he was cruel, but he wasn’t. In fact he cared for her deeply and his actions spoke of this often even more than his words. Somehow though, she had to love him enough to let him go but doing so would be torture!
How do I forget you
When I don’t want to?
How do I stop missing you
When you’re all I think about?
How do I stop needing you
When you made me feel so complete?
How do I move on
When you mean so much more than words can say?
My world seems empty now
My smiles have disappeared
My eyes are sad and teary
My heart is broken
I mourn for you as though you’ve died
I miss you so much it hurts