Why do we repeat our past? Is it because we did not learn the lessons we were meant to learn from our trials and experiences? Or is it because we somehow forgot those lessons learned? What ever the reason, we tend to revisit our past to find answers, to gain perspective, to see where we were and to decipher how far we’ve come. If, however, we thought we were moving forward only to discover we’ve gone full circle and ended up right back where we started, then it may be time to take a closer look at the steps we took and perhaps try a different path.
Granted that during our analysis we sometimes find patterns and similarities that are downright astounding, often we have to go back and analyze before we can fully appreciate or understand how to move forward. In the past, we may have dismissed an event as simply a coincidence. But under careful scrutiny we may discover that several similar incidents have occurred. So was it actually just happenstance or a subconscious choice we made based on some truth we unknowingly seek?
A person with unresolved issues with his/her parent may unknowingly choose a mate with many of the characteristics as that parent and attempt to make that relationship work as a way of correcting the parent-child dysfunction of the past. But often enough the relationship doesn’t work because the person is faced with the same series of problems with no clue of how or why things are going wrong or how to fix things. One solution would be to simply dismiss it as bad luck and plow ahead to the next relationship in hopes that new one would work. Others may say, let the past remain in the past and happily leave their baggage locked away. But my obsessive, compulsive, detail-oriented need-to-know nature is forcing me to deal with this head on — to go back to the source, the parent, to try to find resolution there. Or if complete resolution cannot be found, then at least the healing process would have begun. The hardest part is taking the first step back to a painful period but as hard as it is sometimes it has to be done.
I am at that point now! I don’t know what to say, I don’t know how to start, I don’t know if this time my voice would be heard and I don’t know if going back will actually help or if it can somehow make things worse. Should I write a letter? Should I call? Should I meet in person? I don’t yet have the answers to any of these questions but I do know that I’ve procrastinated about this for years and now I don’t think I can put this off any longer. My only wish is that God put the right words in my mouth and speak on my behalf. I NEED to heal…I NEED to break free of this burden…I NEED to move forward for myself and for my sanity.
A good friend said to me recently, that our past comes back to haunt us when there is unfinished business to be resolved — kind of like ghosts in horror movies. He may have a point! Without closure the ghost of unresolved issues will continue to haunt my soul.
Contents written: 10/2/2010 | Copyright 2014 Moylom Enterprises | Copyright © Inner Ramblings Boulevard 2017