Short Stories

Finding Peace…

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Surviving adversity requires strength. Where your strength comes from is entirely up to you, however, mine comes from God.

Psalms Chapter 121

1 (A Song of degrees.) I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help.

2 My help [cometh] from the LORD, which made heaven and earth.

Of late I’ve been experiencing a sense of peace and calm that I haven’t felt in a very long time — so long that it was almost unrecognizable —  I thought I was ill!  But then, when no symptoms of illness presented and I realized my attitude in certain situations was different than normal, I began to understand what was happening — I was changing!

Remember how scared, out of place and disoriented you felt the first week at your new job? But when you finally started figuring things out the tension subsided and you started to settle in and feel more comfortable? Well that sense of comfort is what I’m feeling right now. The pieces are finally starting to fit together, I am finally understanding the role I’m supposed to play and I feel less overwhelmed by my responsibilities. I can finally breathe a sigh of relief for I have found a sense of peace.

Psalms Chapter 30

11 Thou hast turned for me my mourning into dancing: thou hast put off my sackcloth, and girded me with gladness;

12 To the end that [my] glory may sing praise to thee, and not be silent. O LORD my God, I will give thanks unto thee for ever.

Thank you God for bestowing this mercy upon me. I am forever grateful!


Contents written January 16, 2015  |  Originally published: January 16 2015  |  Copyright © 2015-2016  Moylom Enterprises


Uncategorized

The Fog

Source: Yahoo images (commons.wikimedia.org)
Source: Yahoo images (commons.wikimedia.org)

It rolled in three days ago,

Burning off by day,

Then descending again at night.

*****

It thickens with each passing hour,

As if to slowly wrap its arms around us —

Making its presence felt.

*****

Fog horns signal in the distance

And my young one imitates the sound

As I teach her of its importance to the ships at sea.

*****

I love living near the ocean;

It brings back lovely memories of my childhood —

Memories I wish surfaced more often.

*****

And to think I tried desperately to get a home elsewhere,

But the deal fell through.

Hmm…

*****

God works in mysterious ways!

I am in awe of HIS mighty wisdom.

I am so glad HE loves me — even through the Fog.

 

*Originally published May 2015


Contents written: May 13 2015  |  Edited: May 17 2015 |  Copyright ©  2015 Moylom Enterprises


Short Stories, Uncategorized

Positive “self talk”: Seeing one’s worth

As a kid, I had very low self esteem. I grew up in a culture where a family’s way of showing love is to fill you up with food. I don’t remember being hugged much.  And I don’t remember being told “I love you’ much either. But I was fed, clothed, cared for and given an education too, but ultimately food equaled love.

I had 3 aunts who lived a five minute walk from each other,  so when mom dropped me and my brother off to play with our cousins for a few hours there was an abundance of food at each house. I’ve always had a healthy appetite so needless to say, I was a chubby kid!

Luckily I grew out of my chubby state by the time I became a teenager but by then I had already developed an unhealthy self-esteem and getting in shape wasn’t because I wanted to be healthy but because I wanted to have cool friends and perhaps have a boyfriend too. I wanted to be liked — I wanted to be loved!

My parents mostly criticized and almost never gave praise. My brother and I were expected to be successful but there were very few positive words of encouragement to help boost our endeavors. Instead we were ‘scared straight’ 24/7 as though in boot camp. Here is an example of my mom encouraging me and my brother to do well at school:

Mom:
You better study your lessons and do well in school or else you’ll become a vagrant! (vagrant = homeless person)

Me:
Mom, why do you always have to preach ‘doom and gloom’? Why can’t you say something nice for once?

Mom:
Because you better not grow up to embarrass me! You better grow up to be somebody!

Me thinking to myself:
I’m gonna become a vagrant just to spite her. Hmm, yeah, that won’t do any good as she’ll just disown me and I’ll still be a vagrant. Terrible plan…

(I was a book worm and my brother hated to read anything,  let alone study)

Mom:
Why can’t you be more like your sister. She ‘might’ amount to something, at least she’s trying, but you, what the hell is wrong with you?

Brother:
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I’ll study mom, relax already…

Mom:
Yes, all you know how to do is relax. You’re a smart kid but why are you so lazy. You’re just like your father!

By this time everyone in the house has had a dose of mom’s “encouragement”. The dogs are the only ones home free but that’s just because they’re outside in the yard and not in her immediate path. But they’ll get there’s come dinner time as one of them is bound to get in some kind of trouble either with her flower beds or vegetable garden or would have rolled around in something disgusting requiring a bath. Oh the horror!!!

I don’t know how my brother processed mom’s words but I internalized them,  deeply. They hurt. They cut deep. Sometimes I believed them. And sometimes, just sometimes, I hated them so much that it lit a fire in me to prove her wrong.

Those ‘sometimes’ moments eventually grew. I learned to ignore her ‘doom and gloom’ talk and began to speak my own words of encouragement to myself. If she said I couldn’t, I’d say,  “yes I can” and I did! I became stubborn. I became bold. I started taking control of my own destiny and soon there was a power struggle brewing in my childhood home. Dad was present but not involved (unless mom instructed him to “DO something!”) so there were no words positive or negative from him. He was the comedian, he made us laugh. I guess we all needed to laugh amid all the negative but I needed dad’s voice but he was mostly silent. My brother seemed unaffected so it was up to me to fight for the positive atmosphere I needed. I had to break free.

By 16 I started pushing boundaries and mom pushed back, hard, but she was losing control and she knew it. By 18 I had ‘one foot out the door’ but in my hometown you’re not considered ‘of age’ until 21 but I couldn’t wait that long!!!! And by 19 I was gone. How? One of my aunts rewarded me with a vacation trip to celebrate my successful completion of high school and for scoring well in all my exams and that was my ticket out. I didn’t know it at the time, but yes, that’s the day I left home and have not been back since.

In a new country, in a new culture, in a new atmosphere, I slowly began to feel free. Free to be myself; free to surround myself with positive people and free to nurture my inner spirit — to finally begin to heal the emotional scars inflicted upon me for as long as I could remember. For every good I accomplished I learned to praise myself. I never felt entitled to anything (and still don’t), for everything I had then (and do now)  I’ve had to work hard to get it. There’s nothing wrong with hard work for it certainly builds character, and such character pays for itself ten times over when others appreciate you for who you are and see your inner strength and beauty. The important thing however, is knowing ones own worth. What good is it to have others see value in you if you don’t recognize your own value? Perhaps you do see your own value but there’s someone, a special someone, who thinks the world of you and you just can’t see why. How do you wrap your brain around this new phenomenon? It’s foreign! It’s never happened before and you don’t know how to process it. How can this person be telling the truth when all your life no one else had seen/validated such value in you? The only way to know for sure is to test it. How? With time.

Will that person still see your value six months from now? A year from now? Do their actions match their words? Does that person’s character and the people with whom they keep company speak of good quality? Is that person always true to their word? Ultimately, only with time can all these questions be answered. The real question is, do you want to find out? Or will you simply dismiss this person as crazy for seeing something of value in you that you don’t think is there? To dismiss them may mean passing up an opportunity for a great friendship or perhaps something more. But in the end the choice is yours.

‘Self talk’ can be a useful tool when positive but can be detrimental when negative. I’ve done both and it is so easy to beat myself up when I’ve done less than I thought I could/should have. A simple bad day can become so much worse if I allow unhealthy thoughts to attack me from the inside. Focusing on the positive yields better results but it takes practice. And it helps when I can take the focus off myself to help or be there for someone else instead of wallowing in a pit of self-pity or self-defeat.

But sometimes I just want to be alone, after all I’m an introvert. My strength comes from within and it is in those quite moments alone that I can focus on the voice of God speaking. It is in those moments that I can look up to the one who is greater than I — God. He carries me when I’m weak and makes me strong. He sees my value, He cherishes me, He provides for my needs before I can even speak them and all He asks is that I keep Him close. I don’t feel I deserve His love as my inherent need to ‘earn’ the love and respect of others gets in the way of accepting His love at times. But I need not ‘earn’ His love because He Loves Me unconditionally. He loves me in spite of the things I cannot do and delights in the knowledge that there are things I can do and that I use the gifts with which He’s blessed me for good. And though I feel unworthy (still) I’m humbled that He loves me so.

This unconditional love allows me to speak positively to myself. It boosts my inner strength. It makes me know that even on the bad days — the days when I’m not at my best, I’m still okay; I’m not a ‘write off’; I still have value; I’m still worth it. It’s sad when others don’t see your value but it’s even more sad when you don’t see your own value. But if God thinks I’m worth it, if He thinks you’re worth it, if He thinks we’re ALL worth it, then who are we to question His omniscience?

I choose to believe that God has a plan for me. Sometimes my faith is weak and I grow impatient as I try to figure out what that plan is, forgetting completely that all will be revealed when the time is right. And so I also choose to believe that if God sees value in me then His plan for me must be awesome!

I try to extend this same consideration to everyone as I try in earnest to see the good in others. However, given the crazy world in which we live, that trust is often abused/taken for granted. It certainly can leave one feeling jaded and over time can even discourage trusting in others period. But it’s hard to silence a trusting heart. It’s hard to silence a heart that loves deeply. It’s hard to silence the heart of one who loves unconditionally. It’s just sad that sometimes the one who is loved so deeply does not feel worthy and so refuses to accept unconditional love when given.

There is one such person out there who has my unconditional love regardless of where life takes us. I see his value. I see his strengths. I see his weaknesses. I see his heart. I see his humor. I see his intelligence. I see his gentle nature. I see his smile. I see his warmth. I see his faith. I see His willingness to be led by God. I see his love of God’s word. I see his willingness to be a good person — a better person. I see his ability to love. But it’s sad that he doesn’t think he’s ‘worth it’. I see his worth though,  and to me he is worthy of my love and always will be.

Image source: Yahoo images (pintrest.com)
Image source: Yahoo images (pintrest.com)

Contents written: October 24 2015  |  Originally published: October 24 2015  |  Copyright 2015 – 2016 Moylom Enterprises


Lyrics, Music is Oxygen, Uncategorized

You’re Beautiful…

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Before you ever took a breath
Long before the world began
Of all the wonders He possessed
There was one more precious
Of all the earth and skies above
You’re the one He madly loves
Enough to die

You’re beautiful
You were meant for so much more than all of this
You’re beautiful
You are treasured, You are sacred, You are His

~ Mercy Me ~

Source 1: Mercy Me – Beautiful Lyrics | MetroLyrics

Source 2: https://youtu.be/8WnAq0o2Xl8

****

Originally published August 2015


Contents compiled: June 13 2015  |  Edited August 16 2015 |  Copyright 2015 Moylom Enterprises


Lyrics, Music is Oxygen, Uncategorized

Even here [I’ll bring you joy]

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This is one of my favorite songs. It’s calming, and certainly relieves my stress. Hope you find a bit of solace as you listen too.

Hugs,

A

Lyrics:

I know your pain, I hear your cry,
And I have been there too.
And I promise not to leave you.
Soon you will see what I can see.
Child, keep your eyes on me.
You’re right where you should be.

But don’t fear anything,
Cuz I’m here and I can bring you joy,
Even here I’ll bring you joy.
There’s a reason for everything,
In each season I can bring you joy,
Even here I’ll bring you joy.

This narrow road will lead you home
Follow the faithful few
who have finished strong before you.
I can’t promise you’ll be free from pain,
Until you see my face,
But I’ll help you run the race.

But don’t fear anything,
Cuz I’m here and I can bring you joy,
Even here I’ll bring you joy.
There’s a reason for everything,
In each season I can bring you joy,
Even here I’ll bring you joy.

There is no power strong enough to separate you from my love.
There is no power to keep me from You.

~ Rachel Chan ~

 

Song: Even here by Rachel Chan

Read more at http://www.songlyrics.com/rachel-chan/even-here-lyrics/#2PzIDsmokJEzf6K5.99

 

*Originally published May 2015


Contents compiled: May 7 2015  |  Copyright 2015 Moylom Enterprises


Short Stories, Uncategorized

The Thirst…

my-thoughts-on-God-100dpi

In my quest for knowledge I found God.

As I yearned to understand HIM HE blessed me with knowledge.

– Moylom Enterprises

I was raised Christian, specifically, Seventh Day Adventist Christian. But the rules, oh so many rules, made me develop a certain distaste for the entire situation in my teenage years and I eventually stopped going to church after I turned 18. In my early adulthood I didn’t even bother to pray — I figured God, if He was keeping up with my activities, wouldn’t want anything to do with me so I stayed away. Why bother ask HIM for anything, or tell HIM my troubles? Surely, HE had far more important, upright souls more worthy of HIS time than I did! But my spirit was uneasy —  my life, although pretty good, felt a certain amount of emptiness that money, travel, parties, friends, wine, vodka, spas, furnishings and general good times could not and did not fill. I needed something more…

For what is a man profited, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul? Or what shall a man give in exchange for his soul?

– Matt 16:26

In the later part of winter 2012, a horrible tragedy befell me and my family and a series of unfortunate incidents followed at a very rapid pace. Everything I had was gone and I almost died! I went from riches to rags — I felt like Job.

…the LORD gave, and the LORD hath taken away; …

– Job 1:21

In the middle of all the mayhem, I still did not cry out to God. I felt I deserved everything that was happening to me and so I suffered in silence as I accepted what I assumed was my punishment. But when the shock of all the trauma wore off and my brain finally began to process all the events I fell to my knees and cried out to God, not for my sake but for the sake of my then 3 month old daughter. I needed to petition for her because she now had only one parent — me. Seeing the mess I was in made me realize I needed help to be the mother she deserved. All my immediate family were thousands of miles away — we were, for all intents and purposes, alone. Sadly, I still never prayed for myself, but thankfully my mother and aunts petitioned to God on my behalf. They prayed fervently, and I prayed too: to be strong (for her), to be a good example (for her), to make things better (for her), to give her the life she deserved. I left myself without so she could have what she needed to thrive in spite of our circumstances. I did whatever I could for her and slowly things began to change. But sadly my pride never let me pray for myself. I did, however, offer prayers of thanks for God’s blessings, for giving me the strength and will to carry on even on the days when I felt I couldn’t take another step or lift myself out of bed. Then one day, it all seemed to be a bit too much and I asked God why. Even though I thought I knew the answer I needed to ask HIM why all this was happening. And as plain as day I heard a voice say, “I have a job for you to do”.

To this day I’m not quite sure what my assignment is, but from that moment on I began to pray for myself. If God needed to use me for something I needed to develop a relationship with HIM. I needed to let HIM in. I needed HIM to repair my broken soul. I also began to read the bible (from the beginning). I felt that if I wasn’t going to church I should at least get to know God for myself, for how else would I know what HE expected of me if I didn’t do research on HIS ‘organization’ and its mode of operation? Just like a prospective applicant would do when applying for employment.

The more I studied, the more I understood how to be a better person. And slowly things have started to fall into place. My faith has been strengthened, my perspective is different, my will to go on is now two-fold — for HIM and for her. I no longer feel defeated for even on the days I fall HE is right beside me with outstretched arms to help me up. I AM NO LONGER ALONE. I no longer chase after the riches the world has to offer since true happiness only comes when we hunger and thirst after God.

But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and HIS righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.

– Matt 6:33

I get it now!!!!

 

*Originally published January 2015


Contents written Jan 3 2015. Edited January 11 2015 | Copyright 2015 Moylom Enterprises


Uncategorized

Shoulders

There are days when my own words fail me, when my mind wanders aimlessly incapable of concentration, when my every thought is hijacked by something /someone else. These are the days I rely on the words of others to say so eloquently what I cannot at the moment.

The following words speak what my soul yearns to say but could not and have since brought much solace to calm my spirit. May they bring such peace to you as well. Enjoy!


When confusion’s my companion
And despair holds me for ransom
I will feel no fear
I know that You are near

When I’m caught deep in the valley
With chaos for my company
I’ll find my comfort here
‘Cause I know that You are near

My help comes from You
You’re right here, pulling me through
You carry my weakness, my sickness, my brokenness all on Your shoulders

My help comes from You
You are my rest, my rescue
I don’t have to see to believe that You’re lifting me up on Your shoulders

You mend what once was shattered
And You turn my tears to laughter
Your forgiveness is my fortress
Oh Your mercy is relentless

My help comes from You
You’re right here, pulling me through
You carry my weakness, my sickness, my brokenness all on Your shoulders

My help comes from You
You are my rest, my rescue
I don’t have to see to believe that You’re lifting me up on Your shoulders

~ For King and Country ~


Contents compiled June 12 2015  |  Edited: June 13 2015  |  Copyright 2015  Moylom Enterprises