In my quest for knowledge I found God.
As I yearned to understand HIM HE blessed me with knowledge.
– Moylom Enterprises
I was raised Christian, specifically, Seventh Day Adventist Christian. But the rules, oh so many rules, made me develop a certain distaste for the entire situation in my teenage years and I eventually stopped going to church after I turned 18. In my early adulthood I didn’t even bother to pray — I figured God, if He was keeping up with my activities, wouldn’t want anything to do with me so I stayed away. Why bother ask HIM for anything, or tell HIM my troubles? Surely, HE had far more important, upright souls more worthy of HIS time than I did! But my spirit was uneasy — my life, although pretty good, felt a certain amount of emptiness that money, travel, parties, friends, wine, vodka, spas, furnishings and general good times could not and did not fill. I needed something more…
For what is a man profited, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul? Or what shall a man give in exchange for his soul?
– Matt 16:26
In the later part of winter 2012, a horrible tragedy befell me and my family and a series of unfortunate incidents followed at a very rapid pace. Everything I had was gone and I almost died! I went from riches to rags — I felt like Job.
…the LORD gave, and the LORD hath taken away; …
– Job 1:21
In the middle of all the mayhem, I still did not cry out to God. I felt I deserved everything that was happening to me and so I suffered in silence as I accepted what I assumed was my punishment. But when the shock of all the trauma wore off and my brain finally began to process all the events I fell to my knees and cried out to God, not for my sake but for the sake of my then 3 month old daughter. I needed to petition for her because she now had only one parent — me. Seeing the mess I was in made me realize I needed help to be the mother she deserved. All my immediate family were thousands of miles away — we were, for all intents and purposes, alone. Sadly, I still never prayed for myself, but thankfully my mother and aunts petitioned to God on my behalf. They prayed fervently, and I prayed too: to be strong (for her), to be a good example (for her), to make things better (for her), to give her the life she deserved. I left myself without so she could have what she needed to thrive in spite of our circumstances. I did whatever I could for her and slowly things began to change. But sadly my pride never let me pray for myself. I did, however, offer prayers of thanks for God’s blessings, for giving me the strength and will to carry on even on the days when I felt I couldn’t take another step or lift myself out of bed. Then one day, it all seemed to be a bit too much and I asked God why. Even though I thought I knew the answer I needed to ask HIM why all this was happening. And as plain as day I heard a voice say, “I have a job for you to do”.
To this day I’m not quite sure what my assignment is, but from that moment on I began to pray for myself. If God needed to use me for something I needed to develop a relationship with HIM. I needed to let HIM in. I needed HIM to repair my broken soul. I also began to read the bible (from the beginning). I felt that if I wasn’t going to church I should at least get to know God for myself, for how else would I know what HE expected of me if I didn’t do research on HIS ‘organization’ and its mode of operation? Just like a prospective applicant would do when applying for employment.
The more I studied, the more I understood how to be a better person. And slowly things have started to fall into place. My faith has been strengthened, my perspective is different, my will to go on is now two-fold — for HIM and for her. I no longer feel defeated for even on the days I fall HE is right beside me with outstretched arms to help me up. I AM NO LONGER ALONE. I no longer chase after the riches the world has to offer since true happiness only comes when we hunger and thirst after God.
But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and HIS righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.
– Matt 6:33
I get it now!!!!
*Originally published January 2015
Contents written Jan 3 2015. Edited January 11 2015 | Copyright 2015 Moylom Enterprises