Just For Laughs

Would your spouse do this?

image
Google images

 

Phone rings…

 

Representative:
‘Spouse For Hire’,  this is Gina speaking,  how may I help you?

Woman:
Hello Gina, my husband will be home getting my way this weekend so I’d like to make him available.

Representative:
OK, what are your husband’s skills?

Woman:
He’s great at assembling furniture but he pretends he doesn’t know how. Perhaps if he got paid he’d be more motivated!

Representative:
OK. How long will he be available?

Woman:
Hmm,  let’s see,  2hrs with my favorite book + a soak in the tub + a nap = 4 hrs. Yeah, that sounds good.

Representative:
OK,  we have a 12pm to 4pm job available.

Woman:
Perfect!!!

Representative:
I’ll make the arrangements.

 

Later that evening…

 

Woman:
Honey,  I have great news!

Her husband:
What’s that darling?

Woman:
I got you a gig for Saturday! 

Her husband:
What? I had plans of doing a whole lot of nothing this weekend!

Woman:
I know,  and now you get to make money,  isn’t that FANTASTIC!!!

Her husband:
No honey,  not fantastic,  not fantastic at all!!!

Woman:
Well look at it this way,  you get to do whatever you want with that money,  it’s all yours!

Her husband:
Huh, all mine? Well that changes everything!

Woman:
I knew you’d agree…

 


Contents written: September 12 2016
Originally published: September 12 2016
Copyright © 2016 Moylom Enterprises


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Poetry, Short Stories

Fighting Dirty

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Google images

 

I promised to never
hold your past against you.
You asked me for a chance
to prove yourself
so I wiped the slate clean —
I gave you a fresh start
and you promised
to do the same for me.

To this day,  I never used your past
in any of our arguments.
I never threw your mistakes
back in your face.
I always held my tongue
and kept my promise
to respect you as a person.
But you reneged —
your word was not bond.

You disrespected me,
called me names,
became violent,
threatened my life, 
then defiled me
in the worst way possible —
You took from me
what I would have given you freely
had you loved me like you promised.

To love,  honor and cherish,
for better for worse, 
in sickness and in health,
til death do us part —
those were the words we vowed, 
but you didn’t keep your promises.
You fought dirty.
You tried to use my past againt me, 
but now it seems
you get your just reward.
It doesn’t pay to fight dirty does it?

  


Contents compiled: September 2 2016
Originally published: Sept 7 2016
Copyright © 2016 Moylom Enterprises