Short Stories

A talk with my dog

Me:
Doggy,  you and I need to have a conversation.

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My Dog:
Yes,  I’m listening…

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Me:
See,  I just cleaned the house on Sunday,  plus gave you a bath, and already there’s dog hair everywhere!

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My dog:
Dog hair? I don’t see any dog hair!

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By the way,  I loved that bath. Thanks so much! I could use a more frequent bath schedule if you can fit me in.

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Me:
Glad you enjoyed the bath but don’t change the subject! We need to do something about all this dog hair.

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My dog:
Well,  you can clean more often…

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Me:
Don’t get smart with me!
I have a better idea!
You can
a) stop shedding
b) shed outside or
c) help clean up after yourself

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My dog:
You could have gotten a hairless cat but you chose me. You knew I had hair! I’ve had hair all my life — 9 whole years! Why is my hair a problem now?? Are you falling out of love with me? Is this where you say you’re gonna ship me to China?

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Me:
Oh doggy,  don’t be so dramatic!

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My dog:
Well you are being ridiculous about your requests.

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Me:
OK,  you’re right. I’m sorry. I’ll just clean more, but don’t expect extra baths,  I’m not super mom like I used to be. I’m getting old.

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My dog:
So is that what this chat was really about? You’re tired?

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Me:
Yeah,  I guess.
I don’t have any help with you guys so yeah,  mama’s been a bit tired lately.

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My dog:
OK  mama,  I get it now. I don’t know how to clean, and I’m not sure how to shed less, but I can wait a little longer so you can rest before my evening walk. And I’ll try to let you sleep in too. I have to admit I’ll be starving,  but I’ll try just for you.

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Me:
Thank you doggy.

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My dog:
You’re welcome.
So does that mean no more talk of shipping me to China?

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Me:
Well that’s gonna be a running gag for a while. Sorry…

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My dog:
Fine…

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Contents written: September 4 2016
Originally published: September 5 2016
Copyright © 2016 Moylom Enterprises


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Short Stories, Uncategorized

The things kids say…

A few days ago my daughter heard a dog barking. Curious to see what all the noise was about,  she went to the window to investigate.  I had pushed the window way up high past the bug screen since the heat was coming up really strong that day and the house was rather hot,  so she was able to stick her little hands above the screen out into the dark night while still being protected by the window guards.

As she continued to investigate the barking dog she held a couple of her Dora toys out the window and said,

“Doggy, stop that barking. Here, say hello to my little friend! ”

I chuckled silently for I knew those words,  even though said from the most innocent of places, a child’s heart, had a very different meaning to most people familiar with the movie Scarface.  And even if you’ve never seen or heard of that movie,  just those few lines taken from the movie have a life of their own and are known around the world.

I am constantly amazed at the ‘things kids say’, but alas, I hope she doesn’t take that line to school, for her teachers may be wondering what I allow her to watch on TV and I may have some explaining to do. (For the record,  I have not watched that move in many, many years and it’s certainly not one I would watch in her presence).

Nevertheless, I love that she simply wanted to calm the dog even if that was the only way she could think of at the time. Perhaps it came from the love she has for her own pooch, which she loving refers to as her sister or best friend.  I’m glad she has had the opportunity to have a pet as part of the family – – we all are. Our hearts are bigger and better as a result.

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Image source: Google images (aplacetolovedogs.com)

 


Contents written January 15 2015. Edited January 20 2015  | Originally published: January 21 2015 | Copyright 2015 Moylom Enterprises


Short Stories, Uncategorized

Happy today

IMG_169053396710491

Sounds of laughter
Ripple through the air.
Tickled bellies
Send arms and legs
Flailing everywhere.

Her giggles are electric
Inevitably contagious.
She screams,  “More mommy,  more!”
The moment is pure and precious.

We roll and tumble
All over the floor.
The dog is jealous,
She jumps and paws.

This memory is one
I hope to never forget;
Hugs,  kisses and tickles
For my munchkin and pet.

 


Contents written: Jan 13 2015  | Originally published: January 2015  |  Copyright 2015 Moylom Enterprises


Poetry, Short Stories, Uncategorized

I’ll ship you to China!!!

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That high-pitched, whiny voice —
The kind that equals
The sound of nails
Scratching across a chalk board.

Yes, if you have kids
Or spend time around them,
You know exactly what I mean —
The whining never ends!

I found myself thinking recently,
“Oh, what a wonderful
three-day weekend
I’m about to have!”

But then, that being only Friday
And my 4yr old
Having started her ‘whine-fest’
Since that Wednesday,
I assumed that by the end of the weekend
I’d have ripped my ears off,
And been happily deaf
In attempts to never hear
Such horrible sounds again!

I could have distracted myself
By listing all the amazing things
I love about her,
But I couldn’t seem to find them
Amid all the whining.

Nothing seemed to satisfy her
And my threats of
Shipping her to China
Were then replaced by my desire
To flee there myself.

Why China?
Well that’s a long story —
A running gag at my house
Between me and my dog.

Whenever doggie misbehaves,
I tell her,“I’ll ship you to China!”
She usually leaves the room
As if my threats were understood.

Then I laugh,  as I know
How wrong I am to tease her so.
So now, in jest,
Everyone gets shipped to China.

But those are empty threats of course,
What do I do about the reality
Of my ‘darling’ child?
All this whining — I can’t stand it!

But, then again,
Seems like I am now whining too.
Oh the irony!!!
What are you all going to do with me?

Should I beg for mercy?
Or should I simply
Pack my bags and prepare
To be shipped to China?


Contents written: May 26 2016 | Edited: July 11 2016   |  Copyright © 2016 Moylom Enterprises


Short Stories, Uncategorized

Die Laughing

 

Yahoo images: drinkfromthedeep.org
Yahoo images: drinkfromthedeep.org

I spent most of the day in deep thought. I worked alone this shift, so there was no one to interrupt and it felt great!  The trouble with giving my mind such freedom though, is that it can wonder down some pretty dark roads, get lost in peculiar places or rest comfortably in familiar spots that bring comfort and joy. Well, that’s exactly what happened — all of it!!!
I contemplated life (past, present and future); fantasized about vacation; worried about my ailments; fretted about the possibility of needing surgery; thought about making drastic changes to my apartment (tax refund still pending); and some where along the way (I don’t know why) I thought of my own death. Yikes!!

In the midst of all this madness, a WordPress notification came in. Someone had responded to a comment I made last night about a post that was so hilarious I laughed til I cried and that’s exactly what I wrote on the comment! Then abstractly, another thought popped into my noggin,  “when I die I want to die laughing”.  Yeah, my brain actually went there!

You see, happiness has been somewhat illusive for me over the years, and the last 3 years have been especially rough. As a result, laughter has been great medicine for me lately and has done wonders for this broken soul.  So yes,  if I were to die today,  I would want it that way — laughing hysterically, on the floor, happy!

So without further ado, here’s the post that had me in stitches last night and has now prompted today’s offering to you.  Enjoy!

Originally posted on :https://butchcountry67.wordpress.com/

A Man posts Hilarious account of what it’s like to give a cat a pill.

 

*Originally published May 2015


Contents written: May 27 2015 | Copyright 2015 Moylom Enterprises


Short Stories, Uncategorized

“It’s 5 pm, time for dinner!” says the dog.

I’ve had my dog ever since she was 7 months old — rescued her from the ASPCA. She is now 8 years old and all this time I have never fed her at 5 pm, well at least not on a consistent basis. As a matter of fact, I am usually not home until 6:30 or 7 pm so most of our dinners, and hers, have been during that time frame.

But on the weekends, or if I happen to have a day off during the week, doggy starts to do a weird little ‘stare you down until you move’ routine that has me quite puzzled. Why? Because every time I make a trip to the kitchen for a snack she gets a little treat too so she is not starving and can totally wait until the usual dinner hour, but for some strange reason she acts as if she hasn’t eaten all day, or in months for that matter.

She sighs heavily, she moans, she walks over to her food bowl then walks back to me. She puts on the most pitiful face I ever did see, then licks me where ever she can find exposed skin, then moans some more. If it weren’t for the fact that I knew she had been given snacks prior to this display of utter starvation, I would have totally fallen for her antics. But because I know better, it is nothing more than a hilarious ‘bit’ that I now know she is capable of. Why she is so smart and then conveniently doesn’t understand when I tell her to go stand by the door when it’s time to go outside is beyond me but this dog of mine is quite the drama queen worthy of an ‘Actress of the year’ award.

Dogs are just like kids — they are funny, brilliant, capable of mass destruction within a short space of time (seconds), and they are so cute you can’t help but love them, antics and all. So, here I am looking at the clock and waiting for my beloved pooch to put on another performance which I hope to one day get on tape. Perhaps I WILL feed her at 5 pm today — why not? She’s put a lot of hard work into her past performances — she should be rewarded. Right?

“And the award goes to…Drum roll please? …”

 

*Originally published: December 2014


Contents written: 12.26.2014 |  Copyright 2014 Moylom Enterprises


Uncategorized

Little ironies

Source: www.duskyswondersite.com
Source: http://www.duskyswondersite.com

Dog doesn’t run

I pet-sat my neighbor’s dog one weekend a few years ago and was delighted that she enjoyed jogging alongside me. I was so smitten that I decided to get a dog of my own as a running buddy since my boyfriend at the time was more interested in clowning around that actually jogging – – annoying!

A few months later,  boyfriend and I adopted a dog and she was an awesome companion but there was one problem,  she didn’t like to run. Sigh… I’m still running alone.

Raisins

I prefer to buy healthy cereals. Raisin Bran and Frosted Mini-Wheats are the family favorites — Better options,  in my opinion, than the fruity artificially colored varieties. My daughter loves the flakes of Raisin Bran but doesn’t like the raisins. It’s the strangest thing since she loves grapes!

The 99 cent illusion

A new 99 cent store recently opened up in our area.  Since I’m on a budget I popped in to have a look,  hoping to find an item or two worth buying. Surprisingly, hardly any of the items were 99 cents and the ones that were should be marked as 50 cents… A waste of a good dollar!

Had the store been called a ‘5 dollar store’  I might have been less mad and actually thought I was getting a ‘steal of a deal’, even if it was a mind game.  But as it stands,  I don’t see the point in going back there.  I get more value from Dollar Tree since ALL their items are ‘actually’ one dollar. No misrepresentation.

Melting snow

While walking home from school one evening, the nearby traffic was too loud to chat, so kiddo and I walked in silence. Suddenly she asked,  “Mom,  why is the ground wet?  There’s no rain!” I explained that the snow was melting and turning into water.  “Melting?”  she asked.  I further explained that snow and water turn to ice when it’s very very cold then when it starts getting warm the ice melts returning mushy snow then to water. She then responded, “Okay mom, that’s enough talking. Be quiet. “

Surprised by her 3 yr old smart-mouthed comment I retorted, ” I WAS quiet but YOU asked me a question and I’m talking so I can answer YOUR question! “

” Mom”, she said, “why are you STILL TALKING. It’s too loud out here to talk.  Let’s just be quiet. ” Silent,  I thought to myself, ” Isn’t that why we were quiet in the first place? “

A lesson in ‘manners’ followed…

Oxymoron

A few years ago I observed that a male friend always did the opposite of what he said. For instance he’d announce he needed to use the bathroom, but would up and walk out the front door. Ten minutes later he’d be back, from the store, still in need of using the bathroom.  It was the strangest thing since it was his apartment! So in jest I said to him once, ” You are an oxymoron. ” I was hoping for a laugh but instead he exclaimed , ” I can’t believe you just called me a moron! “

Me: ” No I didn’t.  I said oxymoron “
Him: ” Admit it, you said moron”
Me: “Ok, yes,  thanks for clearing that up!”

He walked away mad,  but convinced he’d won the argument. Needless to say we are no longer friends.


Contents written: February 5, 2015. Edited: February 8, 2015  |  Copyright 2015 Moylom Enterprises